Ted Cruz Absolutely Humiliates Eric Swalwell After Dem Requests to Bet on NFL Game

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When it comes to sports, politicians love nothing more than making cute public bets on big games. The public, on the other hand, couldn’t be more disinterested.

I can think of one personal exception: After the 2000 season, my beloved New York Giants lost one of the most lopsided Super Bowls ever played to the Baltimore Ravens. As part of a bet between the senatorial delegations of New York and Maryland, then-New York Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Chuck Schumer were forced to read Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven” — the reason Baltimore’s football team is thusly named, for those of you with a Common Core education — on Capitol Hill through the most forced smiles I’d ever seen either of those epic phonies attempt to pass off as genuine good cheer.

Sadly, this footage of two of my least favorite Democrats reciting poetry as if they were taking part in an Iranian hostage video has apparently been lost to the ether, as nobody’s even bothered to upload the spectacle to YouTube. In fact, the only evidence I could find that this wasn’t just some fever dream I cooked up from my youth is a CNN transcript of the event, which apparently transpired on Jan. 30, 2001. (The news cycle was slow enough at that point that the recitation was worth airing; nine months later, it might have been a different story.) Suffice it to say, it was the only redeeming aspect of one of my least favorite football games of all time.

Much like watching Sens. Clinton and Schumer eating raven on that January day 22 years ago, another congressional football wager has piqued my interest in an NFL game I would otherwise hate — because, thank ye God, Democrat California Rep. Eric Swalwell doesn’t know when to shut the heck up.

On Sunday, the Dallas Cowboys and San Francisco 49ers play each other in the NFC Divisional Round. Like any good Giants fan, I loathe the Cowboys with the passion of a thousand burning suns. I loathe the star-shaped logo, I loathe the pathetic “America’s Team” worship, I loathe the bandwagon fans who have never even caught a connecting flight in Dallas-Fort Worth, I loathe Jerry Jones, I loathe Jimmy Johnson’s perma-fixed hair, I even loathe the mostly un-loatheable Cowboy legend (and U.S. Naval Academy graduate) Roger Staubach. I loathe loathe loathe loathe loathe it all. Loathe it.

On the other hand, the San Francisco 49ers are Eric Swalwell’s favorite team, so I’m rooting for the Cowboys.

Mind you, it’s not just because Swalwell is one of the worst people in America’s worst political party during its worst post-Dixiecrat period. It’s because Swalwell wants to put a bit of skin in the game — and offered a typical politician’s wager to Texas’ most prominent politician.

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